Seeing Past the Mirage of Perfectionism
Hello, my name is Colette, and I am a recovering perfectionist. 🙋🏻♀️
What does that mean exactly? Well, I have realized that much of the anxiety I have experienced in my life is rooted in having an imaginary standard I had to live up to. If I am truly honest, the standard of perfectionism I had created for myself was not for me. It was for others - which is why it has been a source of anxiety.
Often anxious thoughts would flood my mind like, "What if I'm not dressed right." "What if I don't say the right things." "What if someone comes over and my house is a mess." "What if I disappoint someone's expectations of me."
The stupid thing is, I know that no one has these standards for me but me, but they have been self-induced. In my book, Planted (which you can find here), I write that "perfection is a mirage that will evade you at every supposed arrival point." There is always something that I wish I had done better, or feel I failed in something or failed someone. So, how have I defeated (and am continuing to beat) this thought and feeling that I'm not good enough? How do I get past the idea that I'm not enough to make everyone around me happy - that I'm not enough to even make myself happy? My talents are not enough. My abilities are not enough. How am I learning to redefine perfectionism in my life? By changing one tiny thing that has a tremendous impact.
I have asked myself what is my focus - my motive - my why?
If it is to earn the praise of others, why? Why is the opinion of others significant to me?
Why do I choose to exercise every day? Is it merely for my outward appearance, or is it about being strong and healthy to fulfill God's plan on my life?
Why do I like to keep my house looking nice? Is it for others' approval, or is it because I function best in an organized and clean environment and want to bless my family?
Why do you do what you do? Again, what is your motive, your why? This is what I have learned, friends. Suppose your reason to do something is for others' praise. You will always feel anxious because often, those expectations are made up in your mind. However, if your focus is on God and wanting to please Him, He offers grace and peace for your life.
God will never ask you to do anything that He has not graced you to do. He never expects perfection, just obedience, and a willing heart. That's it!
Philippians 4:6-7 (msg) says, "Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."
If you struggle with perfectionism, ask yourself what your motive is for whatever you feel you need to be perfect for. Change your focus, your why, and break the bondage of perfectionism in your life.