Is There a Right Time to Get Married or Have Kids?

Timing is everything. At least, that's what they say.

If you've ever wondered when the "right" time is to get married, or when you should start having kids, you're not alone. It's one of the questions Bryce and I hear most often as pastors — from couples just starting to date all the way to couples who've been married for decades and are still trying to figure out their next step.

So we did what pastors (and curious people) do: we looked it up. Research says the ideal age to get married is 27, after dating for at least three years. Interesting numbers. But here's the truth we've learned after 31 years of marriage and 20 years in ministry: there is no universal "right time." There's only your time — and more importantly, God's time.

Why You Can't Borrow Someone Else's Timeline

Everyone has a different path. Some people don't meet the person they'll marry until later in life — and that's exactly the right timing for them. Others, like us, married young. We've heard every opinion under the sun about whether that was "too soon," and yet here we are, three decades later, still going strong.

The point isn't that fast is better, or slow is better, or that any specific age or timeline is the "correct" one. The point is that timing isn't a formula. It's a relationship — with the person you're building a life with, and with the God who already knows the road ahead.

Six Questions to Ask Before a Major Life Step

Instead of chasing a magic number, we've found it's far more helpful to ask honest, practical questions — whether you're considering marriage, growing your family, or facing any big decision. Here are six we walk through often, both in our own marriage and with the couples we counsel:

1. Are you emotionally ready? Emotional maturity isn't tied to age. We've met plenty of people in their 40s and 50s who still aren't emotionally ready for marriage, and 18-year-olds who are. Ask yourself: can you handle conflict without shutting down or getting your feelings hurt at every turn?

2. Do you have the capacity for more (or less)? Marriage and parenting both stretch you. You go from thinking only about yourself to answering to someone else — your time, your attention, even your place in the spotlight. Are you ready to move to the back burner sometimes for the sake of someone you love?

3. Do you have a desire for change? Everything changes once you say "I do" or bring a child home. Are you looking forward to that next season, or are you hoping everything stays exactly the same? Because it won't.

4. Are you running from something, or ready for something? This one matters. Are you moving toward marriage or parenthood because you're truly ready — or because you're trying to escape a different situation? Those are two very different starting points.

5. Are you ready to change responsibilities and carry a different load? When our first child was born, we quickly learned that trying to split every responsibility exactly evenly wasn't sustainable. Being ready means being willing to adjust — again and again — as your season changes.

6. Have you counted the practical cost? Marriage often means stepping out from under your parents' provision. Kids come with real financial and physical demands. Have you honestly considered what it will cost you — and are you prepared to trust God to help you meet it?

These aren't questions you answer once and check off a list. They're questions worth revisiting throughout every season of marriage and parenting.

It Was Never About the Age

Truth be told, I didn't get married at 18 because I’d hit some magic readiness threshold. We got married because we had both already built a relationship with God, and we felt Him leading us toward each other — and toward marriage — with a peace we couldn't ignore. That's the part research can't measure.

Colossians 3:15 puts it simply:

"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts... be led by peace, not by feelings or circumstances."

That's the timing that actually matters. Not a birthday. Not a number of years dated. Not what your friends, your parents, or even well-meaning statistics say. His peace.

If You Feel Like You Missed the Mark

Maybe you're reading this and thinking about a decision you made too fast, too slow, or for the wrong reasons. Here's the good news: God's grace doesn't run out.

• Tap into His grace. Wherever you are today, you're not condemned — you're invited to be strengthened.

• Embrace honesty. Have a real conversation with God, with your spouse, and with yourself.

• Remember His faithful plan, and obey it. Consistency matters more than a single moment of clarity.

• Cultivate His presence. Find a church, find time to pray, open the Word together, and build that rhythm as a couple or a family.

Little, consistent choices — made and remade daily — are what move a marriage or a family from where it is to where God wants it to be.

There's Not Just One Right Time — There's His Time

So if you've been wondering, "Am I too young? Too old? Have I waited too long? Did I move too fast?" — take a breath. The question was never really about the calendar. It's about whether you're following God's plan, and whether you're willing to let His peace lead the way.

Get to know Him, and He'll show you your time.

Bring hope home to your life today.

Want to know where your marriage stands right now? Take our free "How Healthy Is Your Marriage?" quiz, and if you're ready to build something stronger together, check out our Marriage Builders course — a step-by-step framework for building a marriage on a firm foundation.