Love & Respect: The Simplest Marriage Advice You're Not Following
Every marriage has a slow leak. You don't usually notice it in the big blowups — you notice it in the small stuff. The honeymoon phase wears off, the jobs and the kids and the schedules pile up, and one day you look up and realize you and your spouse have quietly stopped choosing each other the way you used to.
We see it all the time. Bryce has done more weddings this year than usual, plus a handful of marriage enrichment sessions, and no matter who's sitting across from us, the same four things come up: love, communication, respect, and teamwork. Today we want to camp out on two of those — love and respect — because we think they're the fastest way back to a healthy marriage, and most couples are missing one or the other.
Where This Comes From
This isn't a new idea. There's a book from the 90s by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs called Love & Respect that's still worth a read. But the concept itself goes back a lot further than the 90s. It's straight out of Ephesians 5:33:
"Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."
Here's the thing a lot of people miss when they read that verse: it's not saying husbands only need to love and wives only need to respect. Love and respect aren't gender-exclusive. Every spouse needs to feel both. If I only show you respect but never love, we're missing half the picture. And the same goes the other way around.
Ask any man what sets him off the fastest, and for most, it's disrespect. Bryce coaches basketball and people are always surprised at how calm he is — but let disrespect creep in, and that calm goes out the window fast. There's something in a man that's wired to need respect.
And for a lot of women, it's love. The connection, the affirmation, feeling cared for and chosen. Again — not exclusive to one gender or the other. But it's worth naming, because it helps you understand what your spouse might be starving for.
The Simplest Marriage Advice You'll Ever Get
If your marriage is struggling, you can save yourself a $200 counseling bill with one sentence. Love and respect each other. Fully. On purpose. Every day.
We don't say that enough. Go read 1 Corinthians 13. That's it. That's the blueprint.
When you feel unloved or disrespected, that's an opening — an actual foothold for the enemy to work through. But flip it. Choose to show respect. Choose to show love. And you give God room to put a hedge of protection around your marriage and your home.
How to Tell When You're Slipping
The fastest way to know your marriage is drifting isn't a big fight. It’s when you start complaining about your spouse and focus on what's wrong instead of what's right.
I remember being in my 20s, going to a women's Bible study that turned into a gripe session every single week — wives just venting about their husbands. Guess what happened to a lot of those marriages? They didn't make it. Because what you meditate on, you multiply. Focus on the complaints long enough, and the complaints win.
It shows up in the little things too. Choosing not to call and say you're running late — that's not just forgetfulness, that's a small disrespect. Your words are a filter for what's actually going on in your heart, so if you want to know how your marriage is doing, listen to how you're talking about your spouse when they're not in the room.
Practical Ways to Show Love
You've probably heard of the five love languages, and they're a great place to start. Here are a few ways we've seen work in real marriages:
Say it out loud. "I appreciate you taking out the trash." "Thank you for doing the dishes." It sounds small, but it goes a long way — and you have to do it consistently, not just once. Saying "I love you" at the altar one time doesn't cover you for the next 30 years.
Give your time. Presence matters more than we give it credit for.
Serve without being asked. Find ways to be a blessing to each other.
Help each other's goals succeed. Marriage isn't a competition. When your spouse wins, you win. Support what they're excited about, even if it's not naturally your thing.
Practical Ways to Show Respect
See it from their side. You don't have to agree to acknowledge their perspective. Just saying "I see where you're coming from" communicates that their viewpoint matters to you.
Drop the sarcasm and the nagging. This one goes both ways — women nagging, men brushing off their wives to "hang out with the guys." Neither is respectful. You chose to marry this person. That choice deserves daily recommitment.
Contribute to the whole family, not just the paycheck. Providing financially is good, but it's not the whole job. A home needs more than money to actually feel like home.
Speak to their potential, not their limitations. "I believe in you." "You have a good idea — you should share that." Words like that can change how your spouse sees themselves.
Have real conversations. Not just logistics and to-do lists — talk about dreams, hopes, and what's actually going on underneath the surface.
Take their advice. When you don't agree, at least explain why instead of dismissing it outright.
Don't go silent on their situations. Being present for your spouse isn't the same as staying silent about their life. Their problems are your problems now. That's what "our" means.
Marriages don't fall apart in one dramatic moment. They fall apart in a hundred small choices to withhold love or withhold respect. But the reverse is true too — they're rebuilt the same way. One choice at a time.
If your marriage needs a fresh start this week, start here. Love your spouse. Respect your spouse. Give it everything you've got, and watch what God does with it.
Bring hope home to your life today.