As I eagerly look forward to the weeks ahead – leading to and surrounding Christmas, my perspective has changed a bit with having adult children. Holidays are now shared between us and our in-law’s respected families – rotating every other year. This year is our turn to have all of our kids home together under one roof, a prospect that fills me with joy.

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 My excitement has been through the roof as Bryce and I have planned and prepared for a time filled with fun, relaxation, and memories. Then, the other night, we got a call from our oldest son and his wife—the ones we haven’t seen for almost six months…

 Under circumstances beyond their control, they are no longer able to come home for Christmas. My heart still hurts as my expectations of the holidays won’t become a reality. So, what can we do when our reality doesn’t meet our expectations? We set the right intentions.

 Setting the Right Intention

Expectations are good, but they can leave us disappointed when the reality doesn’t measure up. However, intentions are something we can control no matter the outcome. No matter what, I can still have joy and peace in my heart. I can decide to make the best of a not-so-ideal situation. There are so many situations and events beyond our control. Therefore, putting the dependence of my happiness on my expectations is a recipe for disappointment.  

As Ephesians 4:3 states, peace should be our intention no matter the situation. Isn’t that the reason for the season? Jesus, the Prince of Peace came to give us our peace. That doesn’t mean everything is “honky-dory,” it means that even when things aren’t great, and even down-right bad, we can still have peace because Jesus, our Prince of Peace never changes.

 Peace is the perfect intention for family gatherings. Let’s face it, when you get many different personalities together in a sometimes small space, peace can be the first thing to leave. However, peace can occur no matter what. It’s all about being proactive about the feelings we want to experience and how we want others to feel after being with us. That takes the intention of the heart.

 Managing Family Dynamics

It’s so interesting to me how kids can be raised exactly the same, but have completely different personalities, tastes, likes, and dislikes. That’s the wonderful part of a family – we’re all different. If we’re wise, we’ll learn to celebrate each others differences instead of making fun of each other or trying to make everyone be like us.

Practical Communication Strategies

Communication is key when approaching the holidays. Did you notice I said, approaching? If you need to have difficult or uneasy conversations with your loved ones, don’t wait till you are all together. It’s best to have those discussions weeks before your planned gathering. Examples of types of communication you might need to have include:

Logistics and Scheduling – Discuss arrival and departure times, meal schedules or sleeping arrangements, and travel plans and potential weather concerns.

• Setting gentle boundaries – if there are topics you don’t want to discuss while all together, draw those lines before.
• Dietary Considerations – make sure your family is aware of food allergies or restrictions, preferred menu items or contributions, and eating habits.
• Family Dynamics – you might want to prepare your family for potential sensitive topics to avoid, boundaries around controversial subjects, relationship status updates, etc.
• Gift-Giving Parameters – Is there budget expectations, gift exchange methods, etc.
• Financial Expectations – Will there be shared meal costs, travel expenses, or contribution expectations?

 As you can see, there are a lot of topics you might want to discuss. The main goal is to set the stage for a peaceful gathering.

 Tactical Holiday Gathering Tips

As the holiday season approaches, here are practical strategies to transform your family gatherings from potentially stressful to genuinely memorable:

Embracing Flexibility: The Secret Sauce of Harmony 

Flexibility isn't just a buzzword—it's your lifeline during family gatherings. Be prepared to:

• Schedule intentional breaks to prevent overwhelm
• Create space for individual preferences and personalities
• Welcome unexpected moments of connection
• Allow room for spontaneity and unplanned joy

Sharing Families with Grace 

Modern families are complex, and navigating multiple commitments requires intentionality:

• Communicate openly about scheduling challenges
• Support your adult children's relationships with both sides of the family
• Be willing to create new traditions that honor everyone's needs
• Avoid guilt trips or emotional manipulation
• Celebrate the opportunity to expand, not limit, family connections

A Spiritual Approach to Family Dynamics 

When tensions rise, remember your higher purpose:

• Surrender momentary frustrations to God
• Focus on love over being right
• Prioritize joy and connection over perfection
• Practice immediate forgiveness
• See each interaction as an opportunity for grace

The Heart of Holiday Gatherings

The most treasured holiday memories aren't about perfect decorations or meticulously planned meals. They're about the unscripted moments of laughter, the shared stories, and the love that transcends differences. Each imperfect moment is a thread in the beautiful tapestry of family.

This season, choose connection over conflict, love over criticism, and presence over perfection. Your family is a gift—messy, complicated, and incredibly precious.