Love and Relationships
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
I cannot sit here and tell you that I should be the one writing about relationships. My heart has been beaten into a messy pulp by people, and I in return have been the one who has taken the axe and burned the bridges. I have suppressed, and ghosted, and fought, and shown up and then promptly run away.
They aren’t easy, these living and breathing people who walk into our lives and ask us to participate. Who ask us to face the ugly truth...that we are not always kind, or giving, or self-sacrificial. People often make us realize how far we are from Christlikeness. We cannot always be everything they want, and oftentimes, we are too scared to even try. Without relationships, there would be so much less pain. Without relationships, there would be hardly any growth. There are concepts I have grappled with for years when it comes to people. What ministry looks like without eventual burnout. What 1 Corinthians 13 love looks like while instating healthy boundaries.
I think Scripture grapples with it, too, when we look closely. Don’t throw your pearls before swine. Shake the dust off your feet. Jesus, on pre-dawn walks alone before anyone had cracked an eye open. There is no shame in admitting that I (and you) am not perfect in relationships. Many of us would save thousands of hours of arguing and defending ourselves if we realized, and admitted, that we are not perfect. In fact, we are often reactionary creatures who forget that the Holy Spirit is somewhere within us. While Jesus did say to forgive 70 times 7, he never said it would be easy. What he did say in 1 Peter 4:8 was “Above all, Keep Loving One another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.”
Where does this leave me and you and everyone, stuck in trying love our neighbor while also aware that that same neighbor may do hurtful things?
Love means forgiving.
Jesus said to turn the other cheek. To sit down and invite this person to the table, locking eyes without only seeing all that they have done wrong. Or all that you have done wrong. To span the distance by pushing a plate of food across that table. Sometimes that means confessing with your lips that you forgive them, even if you only see them on Instagram now.
Love means holding on.
Forgiving even when you feel a tightly wound ball of hurt inside. Even if it takes years to make it across the charred bridge. Even if you never fully see redemption. You just might be surprised who grasps onto you on the other side.
Love means letting go.
Releasing those relationships, you’ve held on to- tightfisted, smile pinned to your face. Say no, create boundaries, love them without losing yourself in the process. And if they were there for your submission only, then they themselves may need to take a step back and remember what relationships look like. Forgive anyway. Tuck the lesson away into your heart and leave the bitterness on the doorstep. You won’t need it where you’re headed.
I challenge you, friend, to be honest today. Consider your relationships. Perhaps you’re a runner, like me. Or perhaps you wear your heart on your sleeve. There are so many ways that we show up that are both wonderful and cataclysmic. So many ways in which we have been hurt by humans, both in the Church and outside of it.
My challenge to myself and to you is to forgive. And forgive again. To consider, for a moment, how God continues to forgive us, over and over again. How somehow, we have a relationship with the Savior of the world who loves us recklessly and wholly. And doesn’t every other kind of love pale in comparison? Doesn’t human hurt pale in comparison?
Today and every day, may we learn a measure of God’s love for us. And may it humble us, bring us to our knees in understanding. In return, may we learn show that measure to our neighbor.
by Paige McQueen
Check out the June Resources on Relationships:
Renew E-Magazine: 30 Verses and Confessions on Relationships